forwarded jokes

ayoko munang magkwento about anything na nangyayari sa buhay ko ngayon. post na lang muna ako ng kung anik anik. here are some forwarded jokes i've collected from my inbox lately.

Romantic and Unromantic

taken from an internet site where there's a competition for writing the most romantic first line and most unromantic second line.

Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet and so are you.
But the roses are wilting, the violets are dead, the sugar bowl's empty & so is your head.

After you, my love, my only prize.
Would be a bullet between the eyes.

Of loving beauty you float with grace
If only you could hide your face.

I thought that I could love no other
Until, that is, I met your brother.

Kind, intelligent, loving and hot
This describes everything you're not.

I want to feel your sweet embrace
But don't take that paper bag off your face.

I love your smile, your face, and your eyes .
Damn, I'm good at telling lies!

Every time I see your face I wish I were in outer space.

I saw your face as you walked by
But then I saw a better guy.

My darling, my lover, my beautiful wife:
Marrying you screwed up my life.

Beauty is on the inside, but some may doubt,
If its true, I'd prefer you inside out.

What inspired this amorous rhyme?
Two parts vodka, one part lime.

I see your face when I am dreaming
That's why I always wake up screaming.

My love you take my breath away
What have you stepped in to smell this way?

My feelings for you no words can tell
Except for maybe "go to hell."

**************

10 inch pianist

One day, a man walked into a bar. He say's to the bartender, "If I show you the most amazing thing in your life, will you give me five free beers?"

The bartender says, "Show me this amazing thing first." So the man takes out a 10 inch man and a tiny piano. The 10 inch man starts playing the piano. The bartender scratches his head and says, "Wow, that is amazing. Here are your five beers. How did you do that?"

"There is a magic lamp outside. Rub it and a genie comes out and will grant you one wish." So the bartender goes outside, finds the lamp, and rubs it. Then the genie comes out and says "I am the genie of this lamp. I will grant one wish. Choose carefully." "I want 10,000,000 bucks." As soon as he made his wish, 10,000,000 ducks came out of nowhere.

The bartender goes back into the bar. "Boy" he says to the man, "that genie sure does have bad hearing."The man answers: "I know, did you really think I asked for a 10 inch pianist?"

slow ka kapag di mo nagets.. hahaha!

*************

A Polish Joke

A Polish man married a Canadian girl after he had been in Canada a year or so, and although his English was far from perfect, the couple got on very well. One day, though, he rushed into a lawyer's office and asked if he could arrange a divorce for him, "Very quick"!


The lawyer explained that the speed of getting a divorce would depend on the circumstances, and asked these questions:

LAWYER: "Have you any grounds?"
POLE: An acre and half, and a nice 3 bedroom house.

LAWYER: "No, I mean what is the foundation of the case?"
POLE: "It is made of concrete, bricks & mortar."

LAWYER: Does either of you have a real grudge?"
POLE: No, We have a carport and don't need a grudge.

LAWYER: "I mean, what are your relations like?"
POLE: "All my relations live in Poland."

LAWYER: "Is there any infidelity in your marriage?"
POLE: "Yes, we have hi-fidelity stereo set & DVD player with 6.1 sound.

LAWYER: "No, I mean does your wife beat you up?"
POLE: "No, I'm always up before her."

LAWYER: "Why do you want this divorce?"
POLE: "She going to kill me!"

LAWYER: "What makes you think that?"
POLE: "I got proof."

LAWYER: "What kind of proof?"
POLE: "She going to poison me. She buy bottle at drug store and I read label. It say "Polish Remover"