another forwarded joke...
Customer: I'm trying to connect to the Internet with your CD, but it just doesn't work. What am I doing wrong?
Tech support: OK, you've got the CD in the CD drive, right?
Customer: Yeah....
Tech support: And what sort of computer are you using?
Customer: Computer? Oh no, I haven't got a computer. It's in the CD player and all I get is weird noises. Listen....
Tech support: Aaaarrrrgggghhhh!!!
===============
Tech support: What kind of computer do you have?
Female customer: A white one...
===============
Customer: Hi, this is Celine. I can't get my diskette out.
Tech support: Have you tried pushing the button?
Customer: Yes, sure, it's really stuck.
Tech support: That doesn't sound good; I'll make a note.
Customer: No . wait a minute... I hadn't inserted it yet... it's still on my desk... sorry....
===============
Tech support: Click on the 'my computer' icon on the left of the screen.
Customer: Your left or my left?
===============
Tech support: Good day. How may I help you?
Male customer: Hello... I can't print.
Tech support: Would you click on "start" for me and...
Customer: Listen pal; don't start getting technical on me! I'm not Bill Gates, damn it!
===============
Customer: Hi, good afternoon, this is Martha, I can't print. Everytime I try, it says 'Can't find printer'. I've even lifted the printer and placed it in front of the monitor, but the computer still says he can't find it...
===============
Customer: I have problems printing in red...
Tech support: Do you have a color printer?
Customer: Aaaah....................thank you.
===============
Tech support: What's on your monitor now, ma'am?
Customer: A teddy bear my boyfriend bought for me in the supermarket.
===============
Customer: My keyboard is not working anymore.
Tech support: Are you sure it's plugged into the computer?
Customer: No. I can't get behind the computer.
Tech support: Pick up your keyboard and walk 10 paces back.
Customer: OK
Tech support: Did the keyboard come with you?
Customer: Yes
Tech support: That means the keyboard is not plugged in. Is there another keyboard?
Customer: Yes, there's another one here. Ah...that one does work
===============
Tech support: Your password is the small letter a as in apple, a capital letter V as in Victor, the number 7.
Customer: Is that 7 in capital letters?
===============
Customer: I can't get on the Internet.
Tech support: Are you sure you used the right password?
Customer: Yes, I'm sure. I saw my colleague do it.
Tech support: Can you tell me what the password was?
Customer: Five stars.
===============
Tech support: What anti-virus program do you use?
Customer: Netscape.
Tech support: That's not an anti-virus program.
Customer: Oh, sorry...Internet Explorer.
===============
Customer: I have a huge problem. A friend has placed a screen saver on my computer, but every time I move the mouse, it disappears.
===============
Tech support: How may I help you?
Customer: I'm writing my first e-mail.
Tech support: OK, and what seems to be the problem?
Customer: Well, I have the letter 'a' in the address, but how do I get the circle around it?
===============
A woman customer called the Canon help desk with a problem with her printer.
Tech support: Are you running it under windows?
Customer: "No, my desk is next to the door, but that is a good point.
The man sitting in the cubicle next to me is under a window, and his printer is working fine."
===============
And last but not least:....
Tech support: "Okay Bob, let's press the control and escape keys at the same time. That brings up a task list in the middle of the screen. Now type the letter "P" to bring up the Program Manager."
Customer: I don't have a P.
Tech support: On your keyboard, Bob.
Customer: What do you mean?
Tech support: "P".....on your keyboard, Bob.
Customer: I'M NOT GOING TO DO THAT!!
This is Marhgil Macuha's blog before he got his own self-hosted blog. He occassionally posts here, kapag natitripan. :)
Wednesday, February 08, 2006
forwarded jokes
ayoko munang magkwento about anything na nangyayari sa buhay ko ngayon. post na lang muna ako ng kung anik anik. here are some forwarded jokes i've collected from my inbox lately.
Romantic and Unromantic
taken from an internet site where there's a competition for writing the most romantic first line and most unromantic second line.
Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet and so are you.
But the roses are wilting, the violets are dead, the sugar bowl's empty & so is your head.
After you, my love, my only prize.
Would be a bullet between the eyes.
Of loving beauty you float with grace
If only you could hide your face.
I thought that I could love no other
Until, that is, I met your brother.
Kind, intelligent, loving and hot
This describes everything you're not.
I want to feel your sweet embrace
But don't take that paper bag off your face.
I love your smile, your face, and your eyes .
Damn, I'm good at telling lies!
Every time I see your face I wish I were in outer space.
I saw your face as you walked by
But then I saw a better guy.
My darling, my lover, my beautiful wife:
Marrying you screwed up my life.
Beauty is on the inside, but some may doubt,
If its true, I'd prefer you inside out.
What inspired this amorous rhyme?
Two parts vodka, one part lime.
I see your face when I am dreaming
That's why I always wake up screaming.
My love you take my breath away
What have you stepped in to smell this way?
My feelings for you no words can tell
Except for maybe "go to hell."
**************
10 inch pianist
One day, a man walked into a bar. He say's to the bartender, "If I show you the most amazing thing in your life, will you give me five free beers?"
The bartender says, "Show me this amazing thing first." So the man takes out a 10 inch man and a tiny piano. The 10 inch man starts playing the piano. The bartender scratches his head and says, "Wow, that is amazing. Here are your five beers. How did you do that?"
"There is a magic lamp outside. Rub it and a genie comes out and will grant you one wish." So the bartender goes outside, finds the lamp, and rubs it. Then the genie comes out and says "I am the genie of this lamp. I will grant one wish. Choose carefully." "I want 10,000,000 bucks." As soon as he made his wish, 10,000,000 ducks came out of nowhere.
The bartender goes back into the bar. "Boy" he says to the man, "that genie sure does have bad hearing."The man answers: "I know, did you really think I asked for a 10 inch pianist?"
slow ka kapag di mo nagets.. hahaha!
*************
A Polish Joke
A Polish man married a Canadian girl after he had been in Canada a year or so, and although his English was far from perfect, the couple got on very well. One day, though, he rushed into a lawyer's office and asked if he could arrange a divorce for him, "Very quick"!
The lawyer explained that the speed of getting a divorce would depend on the circumstances, and asked these questions:
LAWYER: "Have you any grounds?"
POLE: An acre and half, and a nice 3 bedroom house.
LAWYER: "No, I mean what is the foundation of the case?"
POLE: "It is made of concrete, bricks & mortar."
LAWYER: Does either of you have a real grudge?"
POLE: No, We have a carport and don't need a grudge.
LAWYER: "I mean, what are your relations like?"
POLE: "All my relations live in Poland."
LAWYER: "Is there any infidelity in your marriage?"
POLE: "Yes, we have hi-fidelity stereo set & DVD player with 6.1 sound.
LAWYER: "No, I mean does your wife beat you up?"
POLE: "No, I'm always up before her."
LAWYER: "Why do you want this divorce?"
POLE: "She going to kill me!"
LAWYER: "What makes you think that?"
POLE: "I got proof."
LAWYER: "What kind of proof?"
POLE: "She going to poison me. She buy bottle at drug store and I read label. It say "Polish Remover"
Romantic and Unromantic
taken from an internet site where there's a competition for writing the most romantic first line and most unromantic second line.
Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet and so are you.
But the roses are wilting, the violets are dead, the sugar bowl's empty & so is your head.
After you, my love, my only prize.
Would be a bullet between the eyes.
Of loving beauty you float with grace
If only you could hide your face.
I thought that I could love no other
Until, that is, I met your brother.
Kind, intelligent, loving and hot
This describes everything you're not.
I want to feel your sweet embrace
But don't take that paper bag off your face.
I love your smile, your face, and your eyes .
Damn, I'm good at telling lies!
Every time I see your face I wish I were in outer space.
I saw your face as you walked by
But then I saw a better guy.
My darling, my lover, my beautiful wife:
Marrying you screwed up my life.
Beauty is on the inside, but some may doubt,
If its true, I'd prefer you inside out.
What inspired this amorous rhyme?
Two parts vodka, one part lime.
I see your face when I am dreaming
That's why I always wake up screaming.
My love you take my breath away
What have you stepped in to smell this way?
My feelings for you no words can tell
Except for maybe "go to hell."
**************
10 inch pianist
One day, a man walked into a bar. He say's to the bartender, "If I show you the most amazing thing in your life, will you give me five free beers?"
The bartender says, "Show me this amazing thing first." So the man takes out a 10 inch man and a tiny piano. The 10 inch man starts playing the piano. The bartender scratches his head and says, "Wow, that is amazing. Here are your five beers. How did you do that?"
"There is a magic lamp outside. Rub it and a genie comes out and will grant you one wish." So the bartender goes outside, finds the lamp, and rubs it. Then the genie comes out and says "I am the genie of this lamp. I will grant one wish. Choose carefully." "I want 10,000,000 bucks." As soon as he made his wish, 10,000,000 ducks came out of nowhere.
The bartender goes back into the bar. "Boy" he says to the man, "that genie sure does have bad hearing."The man answers: "I know, did you really think I asked for a 10 inch pianist?"
slow ka kapag di mo nagets.. hahaha!
*************
A Polish Joke
A Polish man married a Canadian girl after he had been in Canada a year or so, and although his English was far from perfect, the couple got on very well. One day, though, he rushed into a lawyer's office and asked if he could arrange a divorce for him, "Very quick"!
The lawyer explained that the speed of getting a divorce would depend on the circumstances, and asked these questions:
LAWYER: "Have you any grounds?"
POLE: An acre and half, and a nice 3 bedroom house.
LAWYER: "No, I mean what is the foundation of the case?"
POLE: "It is made of concrete, bricks & mortar."
LAWYER: Does either of you have a real grudge?"
POLE: No, We have a carport and don't need a grudge.
LAWYER: "I mean, what are your relations like?"
POLE: "All my relations live in Poland."
LAWYER: "Is there any infidelity in your marriage?"
POLE: "Yes, we have hi-fidelity stereo set & DVD player with 6.1 sound.
LAWYER: "No, I mean does your wife beat you up?"
POLE: "No, I'm always up before her."
LAWYER: "Why do you want this divorce?"
POLE: "She going to kill me!"
LAWYER: "What makes you think that?"
POLE: "I got proof."
LAWYER: "What kind of proof?"
POLE: "She going to poison me. She buy bottle at drug store and I read label. It say "Polish Remover"
so true
we don't know what we have got until we lose it.
we don't know what we have been missing until it arrives.
we really don't know.
You shouldn't go for looks; they can deceive; Don't go for wealth; even that fades away. Go for someone who makes you smile, because it takes only a smile to make a dark day seem bright. Find the one that makes your heart smile.
ito ay mga samu't saring kaisipan na ninenok ko sa blog ng classmate ko nung high school. wala lang, senti mode lang ako ngayon.
we don't know what we have been missing until it arrives.
we really don't know.
You shouldn't go for looks; they can deceive; Don't go for wealth; even that fades away. Go for someone who makes you smile, because it takes only a smile to make a dark day seem bright. Find the one that makes your heart smile.
ito ay mga samu't saring kaisipan na ninenok ko sa blog ng classmate ko nung high school. wala lang, senti mode lang ako ngayon.
Tuesday, February 07, 2006
little changes
i've decided to change the title and remove my picture on this blog. bakit? kasi naman, sarili kong blog, hindi ko mabrowse dito sa office.. hehehe, nakakahiya ata na makita nila yung laking laki kong picture! di naman bawal magsurf sa internet eh, nagbobloghopping nga ako eh, pero yun nga, sarili kong blog, di ko madalaw dahil sa picture ko, hehehe. may hiya pa rin naman ako sa katawan kahit konti. hehehe. pinalitan ko rin yung title para anonymous sa mga bagong bisita, syempre, yung mga regular readers, kilala nyo na kung sino ako. , so kung matuklasan man ito ng mga officemate ko, malay nila na ako ito. hehehe.
after two months siguro, lahat ng tao dito, blogger na rin. i'll spread the blogging virus! hehehe!
yun lang!
ang sitwasyon
mahal ko sya, pero may boyfriend na sya. have you been in this situation? paano kung yung babaeng nakilala mo, na nagustuhan mo, at minahal mo, ay nalaman mong may boyfriend na pala? what will you do? will you still court her? or kalimutan na lang ang lahat?
as for me, it doesn't matter, unless kasal na sila. kung may asawa na, kalimutan na. pero kung boyfriend pa lang, e ano ngayon... walang batas na nagbabawal na manligaw sa may boyfriend na. kung mahal mo, ipaglaban mo, di ba? sabi nga ni balagtas... "... hahamakin ang lahat, masunod ka lamang." ang punto lang dito, handa ka bang hamakin ang lahat? syempre, the girl is committed to the guy, and the guy (depending on his outlook in life) might take it against you, at pwede kang ipapatay... hehehe. depende nga kung ano yung pananaw ng guy sa buhay. kasi ako, ok lang na may nanliligaw sa gf ko, basta ba basted silang lahat eh. kung sumama sya, she doesn't deserve me, di sya mapagkakatiwalaan. it's one way to test na rin on how much your gf loves you.
balik ako sa subject ko. if i am in this situation, at talagang inlove ako, hahamakin ko ang lahat, i will go on and court her, e ano ngayon kung magalit ang bf nya, e ano ngayon kung bigyan nya ako ng death threat, e ano ngayon? mahal ko, ipaglalaban ko... kung mabasted, ok, fine. hehehe. that's life. hehehe. e pano kung it's the other way around? di ba? sugal din yan eh. ang buhay talaga, parang tong-its. hehehe.
pero kung hindi naman ako inlove, gusto ko lang magkagf (may mga ganyang tao), why go to such hassle? di ba? bakit ka papasok sa gulo? kalimutan mo na lang ang kalokohan mo.
bakit ko ba ito isinulat? wala lang! kakabagot dito sa office!!!
as for me, it doesn't matter, unless kasal na sila. kung may asawa na, kalimutan na. pero kung boyfriend pa lang, e ano ngayon... walang batas na nagbabawal na manligaw sa may boyfriend na. kung mahal mo, ipaglaban mo, di ba? sabi nga ni balagtas... "... hahamakin ang lahat, masunod ka lamang." ang punto lang dito, handa ka bang hamakin ang lahat? syempre, the girl is committed to the guy, and the guy (depending on his outlook in life) might take it against you, at pwede kang ipapatay... hehehe. depende nga kung ano yung pananaw ng guy sa buhay. kasi ako, ok lang na may nanliligaw sa gf ko, basta ba basted silang lahat eh. kung sumama sya, she doesn't deserve me, di sya mapagkakatiwalaan. it's one way to test na rin on how much your gf loves you.
balik ako sa subject ko. if i am in this situation, at talagang inlove ako, hahamakin ko ang lahat, i will go on and court her, e ano ngayon kung magalit ang bf nya, e ano ngayon kung bigyan nya ako ng death threat, e ano ngayon? mahal ko, ipaglalaban ko... kung mabasted, ok, fine. hehehe. that's life. hehehe. e pano kung it's the other way around? di ba? sugal din yan eh. ang buhay talaga, parang tong-its. hehehe.
pero kung hindi naman ako inlove, gusto ko lang magkagf (may mga ganyang tao), why go to such hassle? di ba? bakit ka papasok sa gulo? kalimutan mo na lang ang kalokohan mo.
bakit ko ba ito isinulat? wala lang! kakabagot dito sa office!!!
bagot mode
i think, i need to see an optometrist. ewan ko ba, parang nanlalabo na ata ang aking paningin. basta, something is different. di naman ako duling. hehehe. my father is farsighted, pati mother ko. siguro, nakamana na naman ako.
kakaasar dito sa office, may dumating na galing hongkong, ang dami daming dalang chocolate. nakakaasar, hindi dahil sa hindi ako binigyan. nakakaasar dahil hindi ko naman sya pwedeng kainin! kung may gamot lang sana ang diabetes na pwedeng mawala na sya habambuhay... tsk tsk tsk. E kung kumain kaya ako ng langgam, di ba paborito nila yung matatamis. wala lang.. naisip ko lang, meron kayang langgam na diabetic? hhhmmm.
second day ko na dito sa office, wala pa rin akong ginagawa. they just gave me a powerpoint presentation ng company profile and their business, yun lang. e kahapon ko pa binabasa yun. hanggang ngayon ba naman? mamaya daw ay ipapaliwanag nila. good, nang maalis naman ang aking pagkabagot. nakakapagod rin talaga kapag wala kang magawa.
warning: kung kumakain ka... don't continue reading, ok?
eto pa ang nakakaasar. since sanay ang katawan ko na gumising ng 9:00 to 10:00AM at magCR pagkagising, putek naman, nang gumising ako kanina ng 6:30AM, pagpasok ko ng CR, unsuccessful ako! ayaw lumabas ng syet! tabi tabi po sa mga kumakain. at ngayong mga oras na ito kumukulo ang tyan ko! syet! paano ba ma-iiadjust yun, na ang schedule na ngayon ng paglabas ng mga sama ng loob ko ay 6:30 ng umaga. parang nakita ko ata sa commercial yun eh, may hinahalo sa pagkain para pagpasok mo ng CR, sisigaw ka ng "SUCCESS!" paglabas mo. hehehe.
mamaya pala ay magpapapicture ako, kelangan daw nila ng tatlong 1x1 picture. itatanong ko sana kung whole body, hehehe, kaso, di pa sila sanay sa akin, baka mabara ako. hahaha!
yun lang!
kakaasar dito sa office, may dumating na galing hongkong, ang dami daming dalang chocolate. nakakaasar, hindi dahil sa hindi ako binigyan. nakakaasar dahil hindi ko naman sya pwedeng kainin! kung may gamot lang sana ang diabetes na pwedeng mawala na sya habambuhay... tsk tsk tsk. E kung kumain kaya ako ng langgam, di ba paborito nila yung matatamis. wala lang.. naisip ko lang, meron kayang langgam na diabetic? hhhmmm.
second day ko na dito sa office, wala pa rin akong ginagawa. they just gave me a powerpoint presentation ng company profile and their business, yun lang. e kahapon ko pa binabasa yun. hanggang ngayon ba naman? mamaya daw ay ipapaliwanag nila. good, nang maalis naman ang aking pagkabagot. nakakapagod rin talaga kapag wala kang magawa.
warning: kung kumakain ka... don't continue reading, ok?
eto pa ang nakakaasar. since sanay ang katawan ko na gumising ng 9:00 to 10:00AM at magCR pagkagising, putek naman, nang gumising ako kanina ng 6:30AM, pagpasok ko ng CR, unsuccessful ako! ayaw lumabas ng syet! tabi tabi po sa mga kumakain. at ngayong mga oras na ito kumukulo ang tyan ko! syet! paano ba ma-iiadjust yun, na ang schedule na ngayon ng paglabas ng mga sama ng loob ko ay 6:30 ng umaga. parang nakita ko ata sa commercial yun eh, may hinahalo sa pagkain para pagpasok mo ng CR, sisigaw ka ng "SUCCESS!" paglabas mo. hehehe.
mamaya pala ay magpapapicture ako, kelangan daw nila ng tatlong 1x1 picture. itatanong ko sana kung whole body, hehehe, kaso, di pa sila sanay sa akin, baka mabara ako. hahaha!
yun lang!
useless spending
good morning sa lahat ng nagbabasa ng blog na ito, kung umaga dyan sa inyo... hehehe. good afternoon, good evening, whichever is the case. as i browse through INQ7 this morning, i found out that the government portal is up for redesign. at ang laki ng budget nila for the front end! lufet, 50 million pesos! tsk tsk tsk. another useless spending. ano bang problema nung website nila ngayon? icheck nyo nga, click here. kung yung 50 million pesos sana ay itulong na lang nila sa mahihirap, magpagawa ng classrooms sa mga public schools, etc... mas natuwa pa sana ako. di bale sana kung kasing yaman tayo ng bansang Kuwait, na sadyang sinisira yung mga kalsada nila para lang may pagkagastusan yung pera nila. hehehe. ok pa naman yung website, ipaparedesign na nila at ang laki ng budget. someone can redesign the website and be happy with 5 million pesos as payment. ang daming magagaling na web programmer dyan, e kung ikontrata na lang nila sa isang magaling na web programmer, i think, 5 million is enough, di ga, benjo? A web server will not cost you millions of pesos. Even software licenses are not that expensive. Putek naman, 50 million pesos??? Kaswerte naman ng makakakuha ng project na iyon, yun ngang 5 million pesos on expenses e sobra sobra na siguro.
naghihirap na nga ang pilipinas, kung ano-ano pang useless spending ang naiisip nila. shet! kung talagang gusto nilang iredesign yung website, bigyan nyo ako ng 5 million pesos and I will produce a website much better than what you have right now, or what someone who will win the bid can produce. totoo? oo naman, sobra sobra na yun. tingin nyo, pag nagbid ako, manalo ako sa bidding? i don't think so, kahit mura yung bid ko, syempre, doon nila ibibigay sa malakas sa gobyerno, where they can have some kickback.. hehehe.
wala na akong masabi.
naghihirap na nga ang pilipinas, kung ano-ano pang useless spending ang naiisip nila. shet! kung talagang gusto nilang iredesign yung website, bigyan nyo ako ng 5 million pesos and I will produce a website much better than what you have right now, or what someone who will win the bid can produce. totoo? oo naman, sobra sobra na yun. tingin nyo, pag nagbid ako, manalo ako sa bidding? i don't think so, kahit mura yung bid ko, syempre, doon nila ibibigay sa malakas sa gobyerno, where they can have some kickback.. hehehe.
wala na akong masabi.
Monday, February 06, 2006
dahil sa cartoon
nang dahil sa mga cartoon na ito (larger version) nagkakagulo sa mundo. tsk tsk tsk. sabagay, naintindihan ko ang reaksyon ng mga Muslim, imagine kung ang nakalagay doon ay mukha ni Cristo, Kristyano naman ang magwawala. magrespetuhan na lang po tayo ng ating mga paniniwala.
yun lang!
ang unang araw
i am using my gmail account to make a new post to my blog. hehehe, para hindi obvious na nagboblog ako, kunwari, naggagawa lang ng email, hindi naman bawal na mag-email eh! it's my first day of work. ok naman, ako ang unang dumating dito sa office, 8:00AM pa lang, andito na ako. umalis ako ng batangas ng 5:00AM, dumating ako sa boarding house ng 7:00AM, tapos, umalis ng 7:30AM papasok sa bagong opisina at dumating nga ng 8:00AM. nakakapanibago, dalawa kaming bagong pasok. kaya may ka buddy na ako dito, lagi namang ganun, di ba? yung sabay na natanggap, sila magkasama. ok naman, mababait naman ang mga tao, hindi nga umiimik eh. hahaha! tinawagan ako ng accountant, noreen ang name nya. pinag-fill-up ako ng application form sa bangko, totohanan na talaga ito! kailangang ayusin agad nila yun para may masweldo na ako sa kinsenas. hahaha.
so far, wala pa namang ginagawa. kinausap lang ako kanina, ipinakilala sa kung sino-sino. ngayon, tambayesis mode ako, petiks mode. inaantok na nga ako kaya naisipan kong gawin ang post na ito. kakaasar lang itong desktop ko, walang nakainstall na YM, e nahihiya pa naman akong magdownload kaagad ng YM. wala namang announcement na bawal ang chat dito, yung isa nga ay may YM sa desktop nya at kanina pang nagchachat. saka na lang ako mag-install kapag at home na ako dito. hehehe.
tama na. sana pwedeng matulog. kakaantok eh.
yun lang!
first day funk
today is my first day of work sa japanese company. sana ok sila. happy monday!
-----
This message was sent using TextMail. To know more about TextMail, visit http://www.mysmart.com.ph/
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)